So I have a baby, then pretty much disappear from YouTube for 4 months. What gives?
I don't want to give it a name like "postpartum depression" because I don't think that's what it was, but I was overwhelmed. Being frazzled, yelling too much, and showing up late to Everything became the norm for a while and I didn't know how to handle it. I LOVE MY KIDS, but adjusting from one to two was harder than expected. I'm not a pro yet (nor do I think I ever will be) but I am surviving happily now, LOL.
The first 2 weeks of Weston's life were heavenly. Surrounded by family, having people do my chores, and having Jeremy home all day...pure bliss. Then reality kicked in. Things weren't the same as they were when I had Abigail. Back then, Jeremy only worked for my dad so his schedule was super flexible, I didn't have a job, and we lived at my parents. I can't just lay around in my pjs playing with my new buddy all day, I have to actually be productive or our household will fall apart. Coming up with some sort of schedule was so so so important but I didn't catch onto that for months. Instead, I became frustrated and ended up neglecting a lot of things.
I neglected my relationship with Jeremy. I expected him to fill this void in me that only Jesus Christ could fill; my spouse is not my only source of love and strength. When Jeremy couldn't meet an expectation of mine, my whole world would stop and my mood would be extremely negative. That's not what my kids need. They need a loving and understanding mother who is ready to be patient when things go wrong. I pray that the Lord will remind me He is the head of our family and that He will bless me with abundant patience.
I allowed anger to get the best of me. I remember when I first got married, I didn't even know how to get upset and raise my voice. Now, I find myself getting angry very quick at petty things like Abigail spilling her drink or Jeremy wanting to take a nap instead of cleaning something. It's sad how common this is though; I see it all the time with mothers (and fathers). Toddlers will be toddlers though and husbands need a break too! I pray that the Lord helps me be slow to speak and slow to become angry.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
I started viewing my children as a distraction from more important work instead of them BEING the most important work. God has called me to be a mother and that is such an honor. If the only thing I accomplish one day, is making sure my children know they are loved, I have succeeded. I pray that the Lord changes my standards of "productiveness" and that I start putting, "make my children laugh" on the top of my daily to-do list.
I pray that the Father gives me the strength to be everything I'm called to be, that He shows me the way to lead my children, and to stand up when they can't. I'll show them I'm willing to fight and give them the best of my life so we can call this our home because I can't do this alone.
The first 2 weeks of Weston's life were heavenly. Surrounded by family, having people do my chores, and having Jeremy home all day...pure bliss. Then reality kicked in. Things weren't the same as they were when I had Abigail. Back then, Jeremy only worked for my dad so his schedule was super flexible, I didn't have a job, and we lived at my parents. I can't just lay around in my pjs playing with my new buddy all day, I have to actually be productive or our household will fall apart. Coming up with some sort of schedule was so so so important but I didn't catch onto that for months. Instead, I became frustrated and ended up neglecting a lot of things.
I neglected my relationship with Jeremy. I expected him to fill this void in me that only Jesus Christ could fill; my spouse is not my only source of love and strength. When Jeremy couldn't meet an expectation of mine, my whole world would stop and my mood would be extremely negative. That's not what my kids need. They need a loving and understanding mother who is ready to be patient when things go wrong. I pray that the Lord will remind me He is the head of our family and that He will bless me with abundant patience.
I allowed anger to get the best of me. I remember when I first got married, I didn't even know how to get upset and raise my voice. Now, I find myself getting angry very quick at petty things like Abigail spilling her drink or Jeremy wanting to take a nap instead of cleaning something. It's sad how common this is though; I see it all the time with mothers (and fathers). Toddlers will be toddlers though and husbands need a break too! I pray that the Lord helps me be slow to speak and slow to become angry.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
I started viewing my children as a distraction from more important work instead of them BEING the most important work. God has called me to be a mother and that is such an honor. If the only thing I accomplish one day, is making sure my children know they are loved, I have succeeded. I pray that the Lord changes my standards of "productiveness" and that I start putting, "make my children laugh" on the top of my daily to-do list.
I pray that the Father gives me the strength to be everything I'm called to be, that He shows me the way to lead my children, and to stand up when they can't. I'll show them I'm willing to fight and give them the best of my life so we can call this our home because I can't do this alone.
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Proud of you Elizabeth <3 xoxo
ReplyDeleteWow this post is so touching. I was really taken aback by how true this really is in my life as well as most others that I know. I will pray for your family as well as my own, and others around me. Thank God for the abundance of grace that he gives us!!
ReplyDeleteI'm crying so hard right now. This is my life. I'm constantly overwhelmed, wanting to rip my hair out. Frustrated, yelling, angry about anything and everything. My daughter is 3 and my son is 1. My husband is military and we live across the country from anyone who could help. I never get a break so I'm stretched way too thin. I needed to read this blog so bad. Thank you thank you thank you! I need to start praying so much more. You're younger than me but I look up to you so much. Keep it up Elizabeth, you're doing an amazing incredible job. ��
ReplyDeleteYou are doing great dear, your heart is pure. Don't worry everything will be all right. This is such a heart warming post. Love you and your family very much. God bless.
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